I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
