just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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