Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need moral support for this bender
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
