I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
