The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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