Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
