So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't deserve a penis
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
