if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize