ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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