I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
