All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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