Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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