I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
