I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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