I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
