Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
