Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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