fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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