don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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