Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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