I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
