i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize