Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
