Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
