The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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