I'm going to jail i love you
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
