woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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