Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
