margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
