I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
