3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize