We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize