I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
