Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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