I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
