I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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