At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
