grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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