he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
