It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
