Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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