She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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