you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
