you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
