Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
