I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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