So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
