I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize