yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
