He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize