If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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