we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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