One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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