You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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