As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize