I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
