Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
