An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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