So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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