Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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