dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
