God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
