i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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