dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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