Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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