Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
