I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
