It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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