Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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