just tell him i said nine months
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
