i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
